Review: Hemlock Grove

(Spoilers!)

Surrounding the drip-fed promotion of Hemlock Grove, in its preceding weeks before official release on Netflix, my main concern was the series would be cheesy teen drama, a somewhat hardened version of the Twilight franchise perhaps. Turns out I needn't had worry because instead, the series suffers with far greater issues. Soppy teen drama would have been preferable over the non-cohesive nonsense that was instead the case. My initial reaction to the series after the first episode (which can be read here) very much remains representative of the whole series. Although now, after viewing it in its entirety, the feelings of discontent are much stronger. 

To recap, Hemlock Grove follows the town’s inhabitants in a supernatural and twisted game of Cluedo. Everyone from lowlife-gypsy-werewolf Peter to the wealthy Godfrey family are on a mission to find the four legged creature responsible for the disembowelment of several teenage girls. Horror clichés plague the screen in abundance, from werewolves, vampires and ‘slutty’ girls to scientific experimentation and magic. All of this wouldn't be a problem, if it had formulated a strong, cohesive and compelling plot. Instead, however, Eli Roth and co decided to forego the essential ingredient of serial formatting and figured that enough gratuitous shots of sex and drugs would make up for it. C’mon now, give your audience a bit more credit. 

The whodunit element of the narrative doesn't really progress, not until the penultimate episode anyway, and by this point all sense of momentum or intrigue is lost. Confusion is also high from previous incoherent mumblings on dragons, ouroboros and folk tales that make you constantly question “who are they... what are they... what is this shit that I am watching”. It is clear Mr Roth and co wanted to go a bit intellectual or ‘out there’, but in there blatant try-hard attempt, they forgot the basic components of storytelling.

This, of course, had detrimental effect on the characters. All of whom, we know nothing about and are so unlikable you feel no sense of empathy when something devastating happens. The only character you may feel something for is Shelley Godfrey, a giant, deformed teenage girl bullied and abused by her mother. Any notion of sympathy is immediately devoured however, when she is placed in a long shot and all of a sudden turns into Hilary Devey. 

There are many deaths and admirable moments of martyrdom which I’m sure were intended to tug on the heart strings, but as hard as the show will push its melodramatic score, there will never be enough violin strings to enforce empathy on characters we don’t even care for by the series finale. Apart from a few shining moments of young boy comradery between Peter and Roman, each performance within the series is equally uninspiring. This is a shame as there are a few reputable names in the mix who you know are capable of better. Perhaps their performances were hindered by the awareness of the shows stupidity and awful script, which manages to boast lines such as “Your smile makes flowers grow and your tits make them bloom”.... sigh.

I suppose you’re asking, why bother sticking with it all then? Well truth be told, there were some good elements. The werewolf transformation scene remains a particular highlight and other fleeting moments of gore were pretty intense and impressive. Clementine’s slaying of a pregnant-werewolf-lady in a jail cell was effectively done, as was the slow build up to the eventual disembowelment of two teenage girls. Furthermore, I had stuck with it through the hope for a mind-blowing ending, in which all would be explained, the murderous culprit would be caught out and I’d realise that this show was, in fact, incredibly clever. Of course, that wasn't the case. 

The whole solve-the-murder narrative is ultimately rendered a moot point as the culprit confesses anyway (its Christina, the quirky non-blonde teen). This then progresses into a werewolf-come-husky showdown resulting in the death of Christina but survival of Peter (the ‘good’ werewolf), the excuse for which is some cheesy parable on life and love. Don’t even get me started on the bacon grease and Vaseline debacle. Bottom line is that you can’t have a character smear that on their face in a moment of peril and expect to be taken seriously. Yes you read that right.

The revelation that the Godfrey family are vampires, whilst I’m sure was intended as a mind-blowing surprise, wasn't one. You could see that coming from about episode three as Roman’s obsession with blood developed into icky territory. Other characters were killed off or swept under the proverbial rug and the finale ended with what I’m guessing was a cliff hanger. But you know what? I couldn't care less, and that is the complete opposite of how an audience should feel at the tail end of a 13 part series. Drained? Yes, but not in a good way. 

It was not all that long ago I was relatively excited about Hemlock Grove. I think it is safe to say, however, that Mr Roth and co did not “fuck up an entire generation”, but they did fuck up.

Have you seen Hemlock Grove? What were your thoughts on the series? Am I being too unreasonable? Post a comment!